What does it mean to feel safe?
honestly? i don’t even know if i’ve ever really felt safe. like yeah, there were moments, lying on the couch under a blanket while it rained outside, or when my dog used to fall asleep on my lap and i didn’t wanna move even if my leg was numb. but most of the time i’m on edge. like there’s this low buzz in my chest, always waiting for something to go wrong. i think feeling safe means not needing a backup plan in your head every five seconds. it means not overanalyzing a text message or wondering if someone’s mad just because they took too long to reply. i had this one friend, sarah, she made me feel kind of safe. like, i could say dumb stuff and she didn’t flinch. i miss that. maybe feeling safe is just... not having to explain your whole damn self all the time. maybe it’s when you forget to worry.
I didn’t really think about what safety meant until recently. Not in the deep, emotional way. I used to say I felt safe when the door was locked, or when I walked home with a friend. But now I think it's something much quieter. Last night, I was lying on the couch watching this silly cooking show, and my phone buzzed. It was just my sister sending me a random meme. I laughed, and then out of nowhere, I felt this wave of comfort. Not excitement. Not joy. Just a calmness in my chest. It hit me that feeling safe is when I don’t have to explain myself. When I can sit in silence and still feel seen. It’s in the small things, like having someone text you just because they thought of you. Or being around someone who doesn’t expect you to be “on” all the time. Safety, for me, is being allowed to be unfiltered. Not needing to hide my mess. Not needing to shrink. It’s when I know I won’t be punished for being too much or too quiet. I didn’t grow up with that kind of safety, so now when I feel even a tiny bit of it, I hold onto it. I notice it. I try to remind myself that I deserve it.
